Let the film consume me

So many great films, so little time.

That’s the mantra I live by, the mantra that continuously echoes deep within the trenches of my soul–if I were to be as over-dramatic as the movies often are.

But here lies the irony.

I haven’t seen a film in a while that has truly impressed me. Yes, I’ve seen a couple of good movies in the past few months. I’m certain there is another film out there that I have yet to discover and I am destined to love. I am destined to someday watch it and love it. But the search has gotten tiring.

When I say love, I don’t mean really, really liking the film. (I really, really liked Hugo, for instance, and would happily defend it in the line of fire.)  When I say love, I mean that the film brings me so much joy, not because it has a happy ending (it doesn’t have to have a happy ending), but I play and replay the scenes in my head, even when I’m not watching the film. Just thinking about the film brings me so much joy because it challenges me. It’s the kind of film that speak so much to me as a human being because it understands being human so well.

And I wouldn’t be able to stop talking about the film for weeks. I will just talk about the film to whoever would listen to me. (It’s admittedly more difficult in college because people usually just want you to shut up and talk about more relatable topics, e.g. how being single is detrimental to one’s self-esteem, so we should just hate all the couples.) I miss being at home at 14 years old and talking to my mom about how Michael Corleone is the best film character ever. I want to find another film that I won’t be able to shut up about.

And I wouldn’t be able to stop reading about the film for weeks. Trivia, the novel it was based on, message boards, reviews. I just want to be near that film and have it occupy my entire procrastination process.

Sometimes the film doesn’t even have to great. The film just has to speak to me at a particular moment in time. Sometimes that film just has to be seen with the right people. I’m a sentimentalist.

I remember loving National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets. I saw it recently on television and wondered why I loved it so much and constantly championed it as one of the most entertaining movies I’ve ever seen (because yes, film lovers have a primitive desire for entertainment). I remember talking about it to all my friends, going on the message boards, reading the reviews and crying over them because the critics were just being pretentious pricks (as usual), watching National Treasure because I didn’t see it before I saw the sequel. However, National Treasure 2 is, in actuality, an embarrassingly stupid, illogical mess of a movie. Then, I remembered: I saw it with my dad and I will always love watching movies with him, especially when he provides witty commentary at appropriate moments (this is key).

(I am sad that I no longer see as many movies with my dad because watching movies with friends is not the same. In fact, I don’t really like watching most movies with my friends–I tend to avoid it–unless it’s a fluffy romantic comedy that demands little attention to fully comprehend. I prefer to watch movies alone, or with my dad. )

I want to experience it again. I want to be intoxicated by a film. I want to talk and talk and talk about a film for weeks or even months. I want to be excited about a film. I want to see a film and have the desire to beg people to see it. And it won’t even matter if they see it or not because what matters is that I saw it, love it, can replay those scenes in my head, quote it, and have it be a figment of my existence.

I’m not asking for recommendations. Far from it. There are enough best-of lists to cover me for years to come. I just want to textually express a feeling I haven’t experienced in a long time and hope–fingers crossed–that I will experience once again, and quite soon, too.


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